Hemophobia

Requiem of the Moth S03 C06

Content warnings¹

Usira shuts himself in the Noe library and studies. His tutors are strict and carry faint disapproval in their voices—born out of disdain or envy? Reading for drips on end makes his eyes sting and his head pound. When he can't take it anymore, he wanders the cold corridors or visits Pai Rilan to converse about art and listen to her describe her latest discoveries. He longs to move his body more but doesn't dare spend too much time out on the streets. The social invitations have waned as the nasty rumours spread.

They're built on those first accusations hurled by Shinzi and Pai Ezen: He's of common descent and will never be worthy of the clans. The Noe are lowering themselves by accepting him into their midst. Some Noe agree and hurry to deny any blood relation to Yun. Some suspect Yun was adopted, picked off the street by his soft-hearted parents, and claim his origins as reason for his eccentricities. Some claim conspiracy against the clans as a whole, pointing fingers at the common quarter.

Usira wishes he could defend Yun but is advised by everyone to hold his tongue. Secretly he's glad for the respite too.

He sees Yun late at night and sometimes early in the morning, leaving just as Usira sits down to breakfast. He tells himself this is a critical time, that they will have the rest of their lives to get to know each other. The excuse nags at him but he's too busy to do anything about it.

Before he knows it, the bonding ceremony is upon them.

He meets Yun in the family shrine’s shadow: His bone-white hair is loose over his shoulders, some strands tied up by tiny red flowers over his ears. They're both in simple charcoal robes. Whereas Usira only wears the amethyst ring given to him by Yun, Yun is granted the accessories of his status as clan member and high official: earrings with large carnelian pendants, his fingernails painted blood red and filed to a point.

Yun touches the tiny braid Usira fought to keep in his hair, one last tribute to his former life as a moth catcher. When Usira lifts his brows, he shakes his head. “You are luminous,” he whispers before sweeping past, long sleeves trailing, to face the Noe, both ancestors and living.

Usira follows with a lump in his throat.

They come to stand before the priest, all in black with long robes and dyed hair. As he rings the ceremonial bells and begins the address, Usira's mind wanders. It snaps back only at the end: “... any concerns regarding the bonding of these two, they shall speak now or be for…”

“Liars!”

One voice is followed by more. “What a barbarian, marrying a commoner!” “They were lowly from the start!” “Intimidating us into tolerating them with their creepy puppets. It’s not right.” “Run back to the high caves, where you belong!”

They’re not like us.

Blood pounds in Usira’s ears. Yun is staring into the crowd, as if he could strike them silent with a single glance. There’s a scuffle where the cries are loudest, people jostling to get closer to the shrine, others dragging them back. Noe puppets are lined up by the walls, motionless, unblinking, half-hidden in the dim.

How could he ever think the clans would allow him be bonded to Yun? He must’ve been delusional, carried away by the flow of events and Yun’s burning determination. He should’ve known better. He should've known they wouldn't acknowledge this bonding. He should’ve asked more questions, shaken Yun for answers. The shame heats his cheeks.

Every single face he turns to is a cold mask. No one will help—this is exactly what they expected. They were only waiting for the best moment to strike him down.

He turns on his heel, back to the alcove they entered through, but Yun catches his sleeve. “No, it’s been sealed,” he shouts over the commotion. “We have to follow the proper way of things. Go through.”

The ritualised walk to the banquet hall, flanked by relatives on both sides. Usira casts his gaze over the crowd. He was told his family would be invited but he sees no trace of his parents, the twins, or any other Isvalri—good.

Yun yanks his arm. “Let’s go.”

Usira lunges himself off the platform, into the roiling mass of bodies. The heavy robe gets in the way, the sleeves catching and dragging him back but he uses his elbows to forge a path. Something or someone pulls at his hair. A blow to the ribs sends him stumbling against Yun but they right themselves and push on.

Eventually they make it to the doors. Metal clinks against the wall next to Usira, a hairpin catching the light, before the heavy doors slam shut. A handful of puppets lean against the stone to keep them shut.

“By the Moth, what,” Usira begins but Yun doesn’t stop for air. He yanks him on by the hand and Usira is too stunned to do anything but stumble after him.

In the corridor, they meet Noe Shuli who waves them through a smaller door and up a winding staircase into a parlour. Zakiva is already sitting on a fraying daybed with a glass of tea, her zircon headdress gleaming in the shroom light. Two of her puppets hang back by the dusty trinket shelf. "This is a waiting room for the priests," Shuli explains. "It's attached to the shrine but hidden so no one else will come up."

As soon as the door closes behind them, Yun drops Usira’s hand and slams his fist on the nearest tea table. “Who was in charge of the guest list? I will have their sun-fried head!”

Shuli, resplendent with her crimson ornaments and matching pointed nails, straightens. “I thought it wise to have a mixed audience, lest they say clan Noe doesn't tolerate any criticism. I didn't expect anyone would actually protest the bonding. We lost a lot of respect in the past few twists.”

Yun glares at her but doesn't say anything.

Lost respect. Bile rises in Usira's throat. It's all his fault for agreeing to the bonding. He could've refused the temptation to return to his family, his home, could've kept running to protect everyone. Instead, he returned only to make one blunder after another. Diplomat? Sun-blasted nonsense. Yun can't claim his reputation will survive unscathed after this.

The edges of his vision dim. “Yun, your foundling is awfully pale,” someone is saying just before his knees give out.

Strong arms prop him up long enough to land on a cushion instead of the cold stone floor. The dust fills his nose and he sneezes. When he looks up, Yun's warm gaze is inches before him. “Rest,” he whispers and pushes a glass of warm tea in his hand. “We're far from giving up.”

Grateful, Usira lifts the glass and inhales the ginger scent. Above calming his stomach, it reminds him of Yun’s quarters, meals at his table, tea and sweets by the cackling fire—the place that has become home to him in the last few twists. He takes a sip and exhales. “What's the plan?”

“Naturally, we wait until the uproar has blown over,” Zakiva declares. “This only happened because you were in such a hurry, Yun.”

Usira catches Yun exchanging a glance with Shuli. Are they allies? Yun certainly shares a better understanding with her than he does with Zakiva, his own clan head.

“Respectfully, it wouldn’t be a good idea to wait,” Yun says, not sounding respectful at all, “Any longer and we'd be giving them more fuel for protest. No, if we want peace, we have to get it over with as soon as possible.”

Zakiva swirls the tea in her glass but her face is rigid. “The longer this goes on, the more harm our name will suffer. As you know, I have been lenient but I will not allow the Noe to be dragged through the mud any longer.”

As you know? The ginger is clearing Usira’s head and he makes a mental note to ask Yun about that later.

Yun slaps the table again. “There is nothing you can do to prevent my bonding to Usira.” His voice is dangerously low. “Nothing at all. You might as well get out of the way.”

“Yun,” Shuli cuts in, “this is no way to speak to your elders. Still...” She turns to Zakiva. “I'm not too proud to admit that I agree with his assessment.”

Zakiva's eyes flash. She's about to snap back when a door at the back opens and the priest enters, bowing deeply. “Forgive the sudden entrance, honourable ladies and lords. I have brought the Isvalri representatives.” Usira's parents enter behind him, unharmed. If Usira hadn't already been sitting, he would've collapsed from relief now.

“Good,” Shuli says. “With all witnesses present, we will commence the ceremony at once.”

Zakiva looks as if a bucket of ice water had been emptied over her. Yun nods in response to Usira’s questioning glance—Now? Yes, now.—and offers his hand.

Author Notes

What a wild ride!

I put this scene off for the longest time because I wanted to a) come up with a bonding rite that would fit seamlessly into Sedrivar culture as it’s been portrayed so far and b) make their flight through the room really exciting.

Action scenes are probably one of my biggest weaknesses as a writer. Yes, I write fantasy but my preference is of the cosy or mysterious variety, not the epic or thriller one. Even this scene barely qualifies as action and yet I wanted to study some great action scenes to see what I could learn. Some of the most thrilling writing I’ve read recently was in Samantha Shannon’s Bone Season series² so that would’ve been my masterclass.

Except I kept putting it off so I just wrote the scene instead. Did it come out well? That’s for you to judge.

Obviously, being bonded won’t solve any problems for Yun or Usira, so stay tuned for the next chapter… As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts in the comments!

1. Classism, discrimination, crowd violence

2. Any fans? The fifth and last volume was released just this week and I’m itching to get my fingers on it!